The first time having lesbian sex can be terrifying or wonderful. Frequently it is both. Lucy recalls her first female lover: "I had sex with men only to prove I was 'normal,' so I wasn't that careful about who I slept with. When I started to come out I decided to be more choosy. I waited until I met a lovely, sweet, considerate dyke who was pleased to make love to me. Waiting was a wonderful gift to myself, even though we didn't end up in a relationship."

Taking time so that you can feel safe and comfortable during one of the most important experiences of your life is, as Lucy says, a gift to yourself. A bad initial experience may echo throughout your future sex life, while a fun and affectionate first time can ready you for a fun and affectionate second time-and third time. And if you seek emotional, deep, and spiritual sex, take particular care in choosing your first lover. Of course, having sex with a woman does not instantly clear up coming-out issues. Use the period before (and after) your first time to read, go to support groups, make new friends, and discover where you fit in the lesbian community.
Many women experience a sense of wonder or relief the first time they actually get to touch another woman.

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Joanne says, "I remember being amazed that this is happening, it's really happening, and I'm not being struck dead. I was amazed how normal it felt. I'd been thinking about it so damn long.' Don't succumb to the temptation to exaggerate your experience; that approach often backfires. If a potential lover won't accept you as you are, who needs her? Keep looking. There are millions of lesbians out there!

Even if you're an experienced lesbian, you may still feel nervous the first time you have sex with a particular woman. You may fear not pleasing her; you may worry that she won't like your body. Keep in mind, however, that she's going to bed with you because you please her and she likes your body.